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[12 Jun 2004|08:32pm] |
http://www.thebrainchiggers.com/
MINNESOTA PERSONALITY
Can not fight these feelings
Can't release awe
Is there nothing left to believe in is there anything at all
I Fall
I search to find some meaning some reason to this all
I'm offering a way out, A way out of this awe
So far way back, A thousand miles in space
I feel so far way back, I feel so lost in this place called my life
Control
Can't find a way back, Can't find away to believe
Can't find a way back, Can't find the strength inside me
Everyday of this life is like a struggle to breath
Its slowly building inside, Slowly breaking down me
Who the hell am I who the hell are we what the hell is life what the
hell is free
This Life I'm here, I've been living this life for 27 years
This Life I'm here, I've been living this lie for 27 years
I just want to find my way threw here, I just want to find my way from
here
This life I'm here, I've been walking a fine line
I just wanna live my life
(repeat pre-chorus and chorus
4 Walls
The More I Live----The More I Break
The More I Give----The More They Take
The Days Go Rushing By----SO FUNNY HOW WE LIVE
It's Gone In The Blink Of An Eye
Where Do I Begin----This Life (x2)
Where Do I Fit In
Don't Look Back At Life----Don't Look Back Just Fly
The Walls Are Closing In----These Halls That Bind Me
Story Of My Life----State Of Mind I'm In
Surrounded By What Might----Reflections Of What Is
The Days KEEP Rushing By----THESE MOMENTS I AM IN
It's Gone In The Blink Of An Eye
Where Do I Begin----This Life (x2)
Where Do I Fit In
The Walls Are Closing In----Can Some-One Let Me In
The Walls Are Closing In----These Halls That I Walk
(Repeat Next Group 2 times)
Don't Look Back At Life----Don't Look Back Just Fly
The Walls Are Closing In----These Halls That Bind Me
(End Repeat)
This War Inside Of Mine----My Soul Is Wearing Thin
These Halls I Walk Them Blind
The Walls Are Closing In----moments in my life
These Halls That I Walk In----everything gonna be alright
The Walls Are Closing In
(Repeat Next Group 2 times)
Don't Look Back At Life----Don't Look Back Just Fly
The Walls Are Closing In----These Halls That Bind Me
(End Repeat)
It Takes Every Breath Of Mine
Every Single Moment In My Life
It's All Yours And It's All Mine
Paint Your Picture Of Your Life
Of Your Life---Of Your Life---Of Your Life
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[10 May 2004|09:01pm] |
Life is weighing down on me, killing me inside
Something I could never be will guide me to the new
Light
Frustrated
Sedated
I pray to myself
God please
Don't take away from me
The only fucking thing
That I learned to believe
I am becoming the monster
You promised to keep him away
Now I feel like he's living in me!!!
Anyway, I could never ever be
What you think is right for me
Are things that I will not believe
I want to start a new life
Get myself a sharp knife
Look into my own life
Kill things I don't like in me
But sometimes I feel OK
And think I'm unique
You always try to critique
I turn my back on it anyway
Sucker! Punk-ass motherfucker!
I am loco!
Te falta un poco!
To get your ass in a choke-hold!
Just kill me - I can't breathe
I am guiding myself right to the end
I can't learn - come to terms
With the sickness that makes me crash and burn
I'm crying, I feel like I am dying but I'm trying
I beg to myself put my pride up on the shelf
Life is not forever
But if life will stay together
I would have a friend in my depression, have an end
But I've been thinking
And thinking always gets me into trouble
But since I have a double personality
I wasn't me you see
Now I'm a refugee
And everything inside of me is just a part of my
Disease!!!
Just kill me - I can't breathe
I am guiding myself right to the end
I can't learn - come to terms
With the sickness that makes me crash and burn
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[05 May 2004|10:20pm] |
i cant wait until my house is done
got a new guitar it kicks ass
my sleeve is done
shits been crazy
and thats pretty much it right now
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[22 Apr 2004|09:43pm] |
so ive been thinking alot lately
and have been wondering what makes a person what defines them
is the things they do and say or the reasons behind it
because when some one does something that could be fine and understandableits like ok.but when you find out it is a big lie with different reasons behind what they did it chages how you look at theperson. for example when some one breaks up with and says it is not working cause of things you have done or just they need to be aloneits one thing. but say then you find out they are trying to get back with there ex and thats why they really leftthen that person sucks.
they lie and i look at that as the fact that their ashamed about what they are doing. and they should be and constant liers are ashamed of who they are. but dont try and change. so to people who are like that.that lie about everything i see the hating the things they do and their lifewhen you say you dont love some one and tell them you do and think you do you dont other wise you wouldnt be ashamed about telling every one how you feel about said person.
now if those people dont want to change they should just kill them selfs cause make this world sucky for every one that is actully trying to make this world a better place to be.
its like a plague or somesickness so what happens. you try and get rid of it and prevent it. so to people who are trying to change things or doing things for good reasons and ever feel like giving up or offing them selfs remember why you feel like that is most likefully its cause of the people who shouldnt be here. they should be the one feeling like that.
they should be the ones leaving cause their the mistake in the first place.evolution is supposed to go forward yet they hold it back.
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[18 Apr 2004|04:34am] |
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i can not handle this fucking fucking place any more or the fucked up people in it
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[09 Mar 2004|08:04pm] |
nc is cool its so nice here
i started work already and been checking out houses to by theres on that i really want tolook at its a model and can get it built for me
the weather kicks ass 2i started writing some stuff it feels nice to just write and not be so anal about it
its just hard falling asleep alone
i hate beeing this far away from from what matters most to me
love you
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[04 Mar 2004|04:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
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im going to be a dad
around sept cool
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[26 Feb 2004|04:07pm] |
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going out for a few drinks with an old friend
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[25 Feb 2004|11:36pm] |
people are fucking amazing ho they cant just be honestand just tell you things even when they might be carrying your child or living with you.they lie and play games.like signing on and off the comp at the same time like no one would notice its great how you can throw your life to some one and they treat you like shit. instead of just being up front to any one i have done this to ever im sorry.
grow fucking up. if you can put your self in a situation then you should be able to handle it. and not just fuck with the people you drag into it cause you cant tell them the full story.
i cant wait until im gone. when i but my house if anyone wants to visit call me. heres to new beginings. and to the end of a past life.
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[25 Feb 2004|12:40pm] |
9 days til i leave to nc id ont know when im coming back if if i even will
either way im going to move down there
and im writing a book for london publishing co.
of poems and shit and it will be dedicated to some one not that they care and it will be all for them and about them hey linda thanks for the kick in the ass to jump start mylife
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[21 Feb 2004|07:56pm] |
broken
realizing how my father never wanted to except me when my mom got pregnant. 24 years later i look just like him. but i will never see as much as would like to. i dont think i can handle that he didnt want to be there then what makes me think he would be here now.why cant people just open their arms what are they so afraid of. i love to hear him just once say that he is proud of me something i guess ill never have.when i was 8 my mother and sister whent to find him and tried showing him my picture but he didnt even look at it instead my mom threw it on the poarch and left. and i guess my mom wanted to protect me but it didnt work cause i still feel everything inside i stll feel the tears coming and how much better was she letting my brothers beat me half to death.always telling me how fucked up i was since i was little and how everything i did would never make her even say she was proud of me not once. over and over in my head the same thing goes on i cant stop it. over and over again in my life it does not end. will any body im with turn to me and say they are happy and mean it and not leave. will my kids look at me and be proud that im their father. or will i just not be good enough. who knows right i guess its allways something you have to wait and see
and wait and see if that feeling ive been living with for almost 24 years will stay forever or if it will leave some time for the future. and sometimes i forget why i hide my face and cover my skin in art and make it hard for people to hear me when i talk in public because sometimes its easier to almost not exist then is to sit and feel like someones eyes are open to who i really am im that guy that people like just never enough to care to want to make a difference in my life. and you know what ill still try to tell myself that even though i suck at everything i do maybe some one who makes my life feel like it has a purpose even if its only to make them smile wiil turn to me and say im proud to be with you.
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[21 Feb 2004|08:40am] |
so i jammed last night it was good
so once again in my life i feel abandond by the ppl i really need
why does it seem like ill never be good enough
my mother my brothers my father my sister my friends
nothing i do or say will ever be good enough for anyone
just once i wish some one could love me for me.
i except people for who they are and try to understand them to the best of my ability
but none of it matters
cause in the end people want to care they just cant
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[19 Feb 2004|08:02pm] |
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sitting and thinking of the first time she was over. and she went to go sleep on the couch it was the cutist thing ever
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[19 Feb 2004|07:58pm] |
1. Name: Me
2. Age: getting to old
3. Birth date:april fools
Love Life
4. Single or Taken: dont know waiting
5. Looking or Not Looking: def no
6. How many people have you went out with in these past 5 months?: 1
7. How many people have you kissed in these past 5 months (not including relatives)?: 1
8. Do you regret kissing any of those people? not at all
9. If so who:
10. Who do you like?: take a guees
11. Do they like you back?: hopefully
12. Have you ever been in love?: yup
13. If so who?: who do you think
14. Out of all the people you've gone out with who did u like the most?: linda the only person i can see myself with
15. Do you wish you were still going out with a girl/guy from ur past relationship?: no
16: What's the oldest age you have ever dated?: i dont know
17. If you could tell your crush anything you wanted right now and nobody would know about it what would it be?: anything i would say to her on how ifeel i would want the world to know
18. How long was your past relationship?: to long
19. Do you wish it lasted longer?: no i wish this one would last forever
Favorites
20. Colour: the ones i write
21. Number: 11.16.2004
22. Sport:paintball
23. Team: whatever one im on
24. Sports Player: yeah ok
25. TV Show: king of queens
26. Movie: crow
27. Ice Cream: em food
28. Actor: brandon lee rip he died beliving in and doing what he loved
29. Actress: my mom
-------------------
What......
30. Song Best Describes You: nothing man
31. Is the Last Movie you've seen: what dreams may come i feel its the truth
32.Book Are You Reading Right Now: i cant read
33. Do You Think Of True Love: yes i belive in soulmates now
34. Was the last thing you ate: steak
35. Is your most noticeable feature: my tats
36. Do you wish you had right now: the person that makes me smile when i wake up and makes everything ive been through feel worth it
37. Song Are You Listening To: the fly - i miss you incubus
38. Do you want to be when you grow Up: husband father and for the both of them to feel like i do when there with me
If You...
40. Could Travel To Any Place in the World Where Would It Be: any where she will go with me
41. Were A Crayon What Color Would You Be: blue its dark yet still shows beauty
42. Could Have Any Car what would it be: 69 gto judge
43. Could Have Any Job What Would It Be: singer slash husband and father
44. Could Have A Boy Or Girl What Would It Be And What Would You Name It: i doesnt matter as long as its healthy if it was a boy or girl i like the name tyler
45. Could Have A Special Power What Would It Be: to make ppl see the beauty in others for what their really worth
Favorite...
46. Quote: real love lasts forever
47. Flower: lotus
48. Hangout: my pad
49. Animals: ferrets
50. Colors: blue
51.Writers: no fav who ever writes what they feel is what makes writing not how they write it
52. Junk Food:em food
53. Drink: orange soda
54. Food: em food
55. Smell/Taste: lindas hair/ her chap stick
56. TV Shows: king of queens
57. Books: the crow
58. Songs: no fav how can you pick a fav song there ment to breath emothin and theres not only one emotion
59. Bands: same as writers
60. Holiday: thanksgiving
61. Friends: i dont even think any one likes me anymore
Have You Ever...
62. Ingested Alcohol: yeah
63. Cheated On A Test: no
64. Broken A Bone : oh yeah what havent i
65. Been Charged: it came close
66. Made fun of someone behind their back: yeah
67. Been Talked About Behind Your Back:yeah
68. kissed Someone: yes
69. Almost died: no :did die a couple of times and revived and yeah almost every day i almost die i have no concept of bodily harm
70. Ran Away: i moved out at 15 so it was running away cause of the age but it was more of a leaving
71. Made a prank call: yes
72. Fallen asleep in the bath: yes
73. Cried in Public: i try and hold back
74. Gotten your ass kicked: yeah ok if i dont mind getting hit its not getting your ass kicked
75. Stayed up late on the phone: yeah
Random Stuff:
76. How's the weather right now? eh
77. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone: sister
78. Who do you wish you could see more often: linda
79. What would you say to them: how much she means to me
80. Do You like Giving Hugs: yes
81. Do You like Getting Hugs: yeah i do
This or that:
82. Coke or Pepsi: niether
83. 1 pillow or 2: 2
84. Nike, Adidas, or Reebok: adidas
85. Black or White: both brings balance
86. Music or Silence: it depends
87. Happiness or Depression: happiness depression happens though but its nice to know i can fight it and make myself a better person everytime
88. Sun or Moon: sun
89. Hot or cold: warm
90. Rain or Snow: snow it cant rain all the time
91. Private or Public School: public
92. Spring or fall: spring
Current...
93. Clothes: whatever
94. Mood: i dont know does missing count
95. Taste: mustard
96. Hair: the normalness of combed forward
97. Annoyance: my insecuritys
98. Smell: my boots
99. Worry: alot of things
What do you think of...
100. Small Kids: i am one and i love them
101. Drugs : natural but i dont know if ever again
102. The Internet: i hate pop ups
103. Your town: if my child malesting brother would die i would love it
104. Your School: recording rules
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[18 Feb 2004|06:49pm] |
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ppl are so mind bogling
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[17 Feb 2004|10:09am] |
everythings cool now.
i relize that im not helping either of us right now.
i need to be there when needed
its not about what i need its about the well being of her
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[15 Feb 2004|08:50pm] |
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
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[15 Feb 2004|06:16pm] |
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sometimes life sucks it seems like no matter how hard i try its all ways the same thing with no reason. i am scared of so much right now but mostly for her
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[14 Feb 2004|08:49am] |
thank you raven and fabian for writing something i miss you guys.
to much has happened my whole life and that i cant change.for the last three monts it finally all seemed that everything i went through was worth it.and in 2 weeks it was all washed away.i ve made up my mind on alot of things.and im very much so at peace because of it.theres 1 thing that has ever made me feel where i dint fake a smile. i am not like every one else i cant just ignore or get over certain things. im torn between two feelings and one i have no choice in.
and fabian kevin told me you two were jamming and i wanted to know if i could write 2 songs with you guys it would mean alot. i would love to just play an open mike night with you guys. let me know you have my #
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[12 Feb 2004|09:12pm] |
so im feel like im breaking down
every thing was so perfect in my life
and now in one week its spinning out of control
i dont know what to do
all i want is her arms around me again and i have to sit and wait for her to clear her head whith every thing go on
this is by far the hardist thing i ever been thourgh and i dont know if i can make it though this
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